Getting Your Groove Back With Women
I've read your newsletter for a few months now and
just recently got your book which is fantastic. First
off a little background here. I was married for 11
years (I'm 33) and basically was either dating or
married to same person for 13 years. I have been
divorced now for a few months, and was actually separated
for over a year before I got divorced. Having been
out of the dating scene for so long I was pretty much
clueless (a lot has changed). I've always been a very
funny guy and cocky to an extent, but in many ways
what you would consider a "wuss". I've always considered
myself a nice guy, considerate, caring, etc. You know,
how mother taught you to be. I've realized that those
qualities are great of course, but don't help a lot
in the dating scene. Once I started more of the cocky
routine, it's been amazing. Like I said, I've always
been funny so I guess I have a head start already.
Anyway, I've had some really "hot" dates in the past
couple months with the help of your book, but one
of the biggest problems I have in getting dates is
the fact I have been divorced and have 4 kids. I don't
consider this a problem whatsoever, they're a huge
part of my life, but I know the way women think sometimes
and view this as "baggage". Is there any advice you
could give me on how I can incorporate some of your
philosophies and techniques into over coming this persona
of "baggage" and help me attract more women?
On a side note. This is a strange success story here
(if you can consider it that haha). Like I said
before I was married, and she is a really beautiful
woman. Just for the hell of it I decided to start
using the c&f routine on her every chance I could
(we still get along pretty good as "friends", btw).
I thought it would be good "practice". Anyway, last
weekend I was over dropping off my kids, and she says
"JC". I said, "what?". I walk over to her bedroom
(where she was at) and she says out of the blue "get
on the bed now!" She was kidding and it threw me
for a loop, but I just said "in your dreams!" Shocked
she said, "WHAT?" I replied with, "maybe in our next
lifetime". I then proceeded to end the conversation
and leave quickly after that (had a date haha). Two
nights ago she calls me at home, and basically asked
me out. I said what the hell! So, we went out last
night (kids were at her sisters), and let's just say
that after 3 years of not having sex with her, I
forgot what I was missing!! So there's one for you,
"how to get your ex wife in bed with you again!!"
LMAO In case you're wondering, no way no how, will
I ever go back to that relationship (but sex on the
other hand...hell yes!). There's a different kind
of "success" story for you!
In your email you point out something very, very,
VERY interesting. You say:
"I've always considered myself a nice guy, considerate,
caring, etc. You know, how mother taught you to be.
I've realized that those qualities are great of course,
but don't help a lot in the dating scene."
It is SO important that guys understand the distinction
between "dating scene" and "long-term relationship
scene" when it comes to women and interacting with
Many of the things that make a long-term relationship
great will KILL your chances INSTANTLY with a woman
that you don't know. I'll talk about this more in a
I think that as guys, most of us want to do the
right thing, treat others well, and live with integrity.
There are, of course, exceptions to this rule,
but I think that most of us know at a very deep level
that treating others well, being honest, having integrity,
and living an authentic life leads to happiness...
while being dishonest, treating others poorly, putting
our integrity aside for selfish reasons, etc. leads
to that constant, negative, dragging state of body
The problem arises when we go out into the world
to find a mate. It matters not whether we're looking
for a wife or a one-night stand...
As soon as we see a really attractive woman, most
of us guys become nervous, self conscious, and insecure.
We feel excitement and fear at the same time. The first
impulse is to approach and give compliments in a way
that says "You are a beautiful goddess, and I am a
mere mortal man... Please, if you would, see your way
clear to give me a chance to show you how much I adore
If the goddess indulges us for a moment, the next
impulse is usually to provide gifts and food, and
to show her what a great provider we are.
Of course, not every man experiences things in
exactly the same way, but you can probably empathize
with what I'm saying.
Here's the deal:
I USED TO BE EXACTLY LIKE THIS. I know EXACTLY
what it's like to want a woman's attention but not
know how to get it... so I'd give compliments, offer
gifts and food, and try every other "nice" trick in
I did this for a long time. Many years, in fact.
I used this strategy long enough to realize a few
Approaching women this way doesn't usually work.
They immediately sense your insecurity, and mentally
classify you as "average" and "like the other 10 guys
that approached her today", etc.
ATTRACTION is a completely illogical process.
ATTRACTION also isn't a choice. ATTRACTION is a response
to certain things... and it happens on it's own.
Being a good guy is an important part of life.
Treating others well and always doing the right thing
leads to things like: Liking yourself, Happiness,
Good friendships, etc.
Being a "nice guy" when it comes to women and dating,
especially when it is used enough to make you qualify
as a WUSSY is a REALLY REALLY BAD idea.
There are certain techniques that can be learned
which will help you get past the initial meeting and
dating period... and help you not only stand out as
a "not average" guy, but also create the magical emotion
of ATTRACTION inside women.
The great news is that you don't have to be ultra
handsome, rich, or famous to do it.
The gist of what I'm saying is that if you know
how to create this ATTRACTION inside of women, then
you can overcome just about any "social stigma" that
might be attached to you (yes, even 4 kids!).
Some people get upset when they read about my techniques...
they don't like the idea of making fun of a woman,
busting her balls, being Cocky and Funny, etc.
They just want to "be themselves" and have a woman
"like them for who they are".
Of course, these same guys ALMOST ALWAYS like to
buy women flowers and dinner, give compliments, accept
manipulative behavior... and generally do ALL KINDS
OF THINGS that I consider "very manipulative" and "not-at-
all-being-yourself" kinds of behavior.
The point is that when you made the comment about
the qualities that make up "nice guy" don't really
help you out when it comes to women and dating, you
REALLY hit the nail on the head.
It's not that you have to be an abusive-loser-jerk,
but you must realize that there are certain qualities
that aren't what one might consider "nice-guyish" that
PUSH THE ATTRACTION BUTTONS inside of women.
These are the things like being Cocky and Funny,
teasing women, busting on them, and generally being
If you decide that a woman you've met is "long term"
relationship material, then you can start doing the
things that you'd do with someone who has earned your
respect and trust. It's at this point that doing "nice
guy" things makes more sense.
BUT WATCH OUT! Don't unexpectedly turn in to Mr.
Wussy just because a woman wants to have a relationship
with you. Nothing can make a woman want to be "just
No matter what you do, you still must maintain
So to answer your question about how to overcome
the objection to four kids...
First, realize that the women you're meeting fall
into roughly a few categories:
Those that aren't interested at all, no matter
what. Maybe they're gay, happily married, not interested...
or all of the above.
Those that are interested in being with you for
some short term fun, but aren't interested in a relationship
Those that are interested in short term fun while
they're single, but would like to pursue a relationship
if they meet a good match. Here we have two sub-
categories:Those that object to the four kids
thing, and Those that don't.
Those that are only interested in a long-term relationship.
We also have the sub-categories here... Those that
object to the kids, and those that don't.
My first question to YOU is: "Which type of woman
are YOU looking for?"
Sounds to me like you're looking for a #3, option
B... a woman who's interested in some short-term fun,
who would like to pursue a long-term relationship if
she meets a good match... and is open to the kids. (If
you're only looking for a woman who's after short term
fun, then the kids don't really matter. Just don't bring
My perspective: Date some women, and BLOW THEIR
MINDS with the techniques you've learned. Use the
Cocky and Funny material... dial up the ATTRACTION...
if you get physical with them, make it UNFORGETTABLE.
My experience is that if a person is REALLY ATTRACTED
to another person, they'll put aside all obstacles
in order to be with the object of their desires.
Yes, this means 4 kids and an ex.
If I were you, I'd project the attitude that you're
not interested in any woman that can't adapt to the
situation. Communicate that YOU'RE the one doing the
selecting, and it will cancel out a woman's objections
before they even arise. Think about it.
I know personally know guys that have gotten past
"obstacles" that almost seem IMPOSSIBLE to overcome...
Raise YOUR OWN standards, and you'll find that
this has a magical effect on the way women treat you.
If you're reading this right now, and you're in
a situation in life where you'd like to get back on
track and start having more success with women and
dating, then it's time for you to take action.
Just sitting around HOPING that something will
happen or that you'll "get lucky" isn't going to do
If you just WAIT for something to happen, there's
a VERY LIKELY chance that you'll either wind up ALONE
for a VERY long time... or you'll wind up with a woman
that you don't really enjoy that much.
It's up to you to actually take responsibility
for this area of your life... and to go get yourself
an education on how to be successful with women and
The best place to do it?
My Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD program.
It's the ultimate insider's system for learning
how to meet and date more women... and it will teach
you the secrets that it's taken me YEARS to learn
All the details, plus some great free samples are
And if you haven't downloaded my online eBook,
then you need to do that right now. You can download
it now and be reading it within a few minutes.
Just go to:
...to download it now.
I'll talk to you again soon.
P.S. If you'd like to send me a Success Story,
Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines:
Back To E-Letters
- Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs
- Tell me what's working for you before you ask
your question. I appreciate all of the "Your
stuff is great" and "I don't need to tell you how
well your stuff works" comments, but the fact is
that I DO need to hear all of the specifics...
because this helps other guys to see what's
working in different situations.
- If you have a Success Story, write "Success
Story" in the subject line of the email. I read
- At the end of the email, give me your initials
and tell me where you're from.
- Send it to me at: