Are You AFRAID Of Approaching Women?
I'd like to address a problem that is so common
that it seems silly to even mention it.
It's the idea that too often we use our powerful
minds and emotions to cause ourselves to FAIL with
women rather than SUCCEED with women.
Fear of women can actually become a HABIT that
leads to failure.
Let me ask you a question:
Have you ever been in a situation where you saw
a woman that you wanted to meet, but you didn't go
over and talk to her?
Duh. Of course... we all have.
This is a UNIVERSAL. We've all been there so many
times that the question doesn't even need to be asked.
But the question I want to answer is "Why?"
Why is it that when we see a woman that we'd like
to me we don't just walk over and start talking to
What is it that we're doing inside of our heads
that is preventing us from just DOING IT?
Why do we do to prevent ourselves from being
successful, when it would be SOOOO EASY?
And an even MORE interesting question is:
How do we overcome this self- defeating pattern
of thought and action?
I have one friend who I've seen get 25 phone numbers
over the course of a weekend (I saw him get every one
of them)... and all of them were from women that he
had met on the spot.
Most of them took less than 5 minutes to get.
Now, I have many OTHER friends that can't even
ask a woman for her number after they've talked to
her a HUNDRED TIMES... and they KNOW she's single.
By the way, I have a LOT more of this type of
So what the hell is going on here?
Well, like most answers to questions like this
one, the explanation and solution is both very simple
and VERY complex.
The short answer is that most of us guys let
our initial EMOTIONAL REACTIONS and our IMAGINATIONS
to keep us from taking action.
In other words, we see a woman we'd like to meet,
we become nervous (for reasons we can't explain logically),
we feel FEAR, we make all kinds of negative MENTAL
IMAGES, and we finally just decide that it isn't worth
it... so we just walk away.
But isn't this CRAZY behavior?
I mean, it doesn't make any sense at all when you
REALLY reflect and think about it, right?
Doesn't it make sense that we should just REALIZE
that nothing bad is going to happen, and instantly
change how we behave towards women?
Now that we KNOW what we do, shouldn't we be able
to just walk out the door and start meeting women
Well, yes... we SHOULD be able to do that.
But like I mentioned, there's an aspect of this
problem that is very COMPLEX... and therefore not
as easy to change quickly.
As any dog trainer will tell you, a bad HABIT isn't
always easy to change. If you've been doing this for
awhile, then it might take more than just some positive
thinking to get this handled.
I just read a fascinating book called "Mean Genes"
awhile back that was written by a couple of evolution
specialists (Terry Burnham and Jay Phelan).
Inside this book, these guys point out that humans
are HORRIBLE at assessing risk and return, and that
they often make horrible decisions for themselves.
But here's the kicker: We all make the SAME risk/return
mistakes in the SAME situations... and this is most
likely a GENETIC pre-disposition!
In other words, WE'RE BORN WITH IT.
So you might see a woman that you'd like to talk
to, then use your imagination to create some painfully
scary ideas about how you might get rejected (which
wouldn't happen in a million years) and then you feel
a wave of fear and nervousness wash over your entire
body... and you decide it's just not worth it, so you
This is that "automatic bad risk/return system"
And often, these poor decisions cause us to say
to ourselves "Damn it. Why do I keep doing that? I'm a
such a loser..." and we beat ourselves up even MORE
As you know, these can become self-fulfilling
prophesies and just make themselves BIGGER over time.
So what's the answer?
Well, first you have to BREAK THE HABIT of making
yourself feel BAD and AFRAID, and LEARN the habit
of making yourself feel GOOD and OPTIMISTIC.
Remember, you've been doing things the way you
do them for a long time now, so it might take some
PRACTICE to be able to do this in the moment every
time you need to...
Here are some action steps:
- Take some time to vividly imagine the BEST possible
outcome of walking up and talking to a woman that
you find attractive. Every time you see a woman that
you'd like to meet, just do this. Try it for a few
days. Then realize that this BEST outcome is far more
likely than your WORST idea of what could happen. Read
that again. Your BEST outcome IS FAR MORE LIKELY than
- Make a "realistic" list of the worst things that
could happen, then decide exactly what you'd do if
any of them actually did happen. You'll realize that
you can deal with them and live through it.
- Realize that NOT taking the risk to meet a woman
is actually a BIGGER risk in the LONG RUN of your
overall life. If you risk NOT meeting her, you'll
never know what might have happened, and if you let
it become a habit, it will keep you from realizing
ALL your dreams in life.
Think about it... in any given situation, YOU have
the opportunity to make a "free bet": Your bet is
you walking over and starting a conversation.
Possible loss: Getting turned down.
Possible gain: Use that creative imagination.
You do the math.
This is like going to Las Vegas and having a casino
say to you "OK, you can bet all day long as much as
you want. If you win, you keep all the money. If you
lose, you lose nothing."
Are you with me?
Use this concept to go out and overcome your habit
of not talking to women. Do it now.
By the way, if you have other "inner issues" that
you need to address in the area of women and dating,
I want to mention that my Advanced Dating Techniques
program contains several HOURS of in-depth explanations,
techniques, and other tools for overcoming fear...
and getting yourself to a positive mental/emotional
place for meeting women.
If you'd like to improve your self confidence while
at the SAME TIME learning great new skills and techniques
to approach, meet, and date the kinds of women that
you've always wanted, then this is the program for
I highly recommend that you get yourself a copy
Some great free samples, plus all the details are
And in my downloadable online ebook "Double
Your Dating" I devote almost an entire chapter
to showing you how to improve your self-image and
confidence with women.
If you haven't downloaded
your copy yet, go here and get it:
Make sure you read through the entire site as well,
because there are some GREAT tips available inside
I'll talk to you again soon.
P.S. If you'd like to send me a Success Story, Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines:
Back To E-Letters
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