A 'Magic' Personality Trait That Attracts Women
QUESTION FROM A READER
I decided to get this area of my life - "dating" -
handled no matter what about a year ago. I had a
lot of internal problems with self-esteem and self-image.
So I started by reading a lot of self-help books that
teach how to use your mind to change your world -
your "reality" as you would say. That helped me a
lot and I started seeing things very differently.
I became more confident and more importantly, more
determined and convinced that I could get this handled
for myself. But I still didn't understand the science
of "attraction" specifically. I knew there had to
be some reason why some guys got tons of women while
others went without but I just didn't "get it."
I ordered your book about 8 months ago and it helped
me tremendously because I started to understand attraction
and it also motivated me to get out in the field and
start working on my skills. I read many books on attraction
and watched movies with "romantic heroes," like James
Bond. I started going to [other] web-sites and signed
up for a bunch of newsletters (yours are by far the
best, by the way).
Over the next 6 months, I had more success with women
then I've ever had in my life. I got tons of numbers,
learned to flirt a little bit, and went on more dates
than I had over the past couple years combined. So,
when your CD series came out, I bought that too and
it's been another great help. I like the CD series
a little better than your book because it emphasizes
the "inner game" more instead of straight "techniques."
I think a lot of people - including myself at one point
- are under the impression that the right "line" is
going to get them laid. I think the opposite: when
you're feeling unstoppable, then you'll exude it and
just about anything you say will work. Further, body
language is SO MUCH more important than words - that
took me a long time to figure out and really understand.
Anyway, your CD series addresses these concepts in detail
and it really helped me.
My success story is different from the others usually
in your mailbag because its still a work in progress.
For whatever reasons, I wasn't able to read your book
and then immediately go out and get laid by 6 different
hotties in 2 weeks, like some of your readers. It's
not discouraging for me because I know that I'm 300%
better at this now than I was a year ago and I'm working
on this skill every single day and eventually I'm going
to get to where I want to be- there's no doubt in my
mind. I think you say this often and I really have
come to understand it on a deep level over the past
few months: "Dating is a skill that you can learn."
I've learned some skills of dating and I'm learning
others and I'm going to perfect them. So, when I read
your mailbag, I just say to myself: "Good for those
guys - this book must have put them right over the top.
I'm going to keep working at this and I'll be there
My question for you is how long did it take you to
master all of this? Also, did you get discouraged
along the way and how did you keep picking yourself
up? How did you get yourself to really believe that
this was going to happen for you? Also, did you notice
that you'd get something figured out and then be at
that level trying to figure the next level out for
months and then finally you'd get the next level figured
out and then you'd be at that level for a long time?
Thanks for your book, CDs, and mailbag - they've helped
me on a deep level. I hope that in a year or two,
I'll be one of the speakers at your live seminar.
You have brought up some GREAT points here...
I'd like to comment on some of the things you've
mentioned, then tell you a little about my personal
experience learning this stuff.
The first thing you mentioned is:
"I decided to get this area of my life - "dating"
- handled no matter what about a year ago..."
There are a few KEY words in this statement.
Those words are "NO MATTER WHAT".
I've read many "self help" and "success" books in
But one of the most important of these books, in my
opinion, was "Think And Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill.
In this book, he talks about the idea of DECIDING
to do something NO MATTER WHAT. There's something
about saying to yourself and others "I'm going to
do this thing, and I don't care how long it takes
or what I have to do. I'm going to accomplish it"
that is magical.
Now, I don't want to sound like some kind of freakshow
psychic or cult leader... but this concept is powerful.
I've found that when I use this concept and REALLY
MAKE A COMMITMENT to do something, that it somehow
focuses all of my mental energy on it, and I wind
up accomplishing things that I never thought that
I've also found that when I recommend to others that
they do this, they have all kinds of excuses that
seem to "come up". The say:
"Well, I'm not sure that I want to accomplish it NO
"I don't want to limit myself..."
"I don't want to tell everyone that I'm going to do
it and then no follow through..."
...etc., etc., etc.
And guess what?
They usually don't accomplish what they want in life.
I've also noticed that when people I know get to the
point where they actually DO make this commitment
to themselves and others that they ALMOST MAGICALLY
wind up reaching their goals... NO MATTER WHAT THEY
This idea has power. A lot of power.
The next thing you mentioned is:
"I had a lot of internal problems with self-esteem
You also mentioned later that you feel like it's taken
you longer than some other guys to reach the levels
of success that you'd like to reach with women and
I'm not a psychologist, but my experience is that
if you have a lot of issues with your self image/self
esteem, then it's going to take longer to accomplish
just about ANYTHING in life as a result.
These are DEEP psychological and emotional issues,
and they interfere and interact with EVERYTHING.
I think you've made a VERY WISE CHOICE by working
on those issues as you worked on this other area.
I'll also address the comment you made about some
guys just having more success, and having it faster
First of all, when I choose the letters from readers
to include in these newsletters, I like to include
mostly emails from guys who GIVE SOMETHING before
they ASK for something. And I love success stories,
because they encourage us all (The fact is that I
don't get many emails from readers saying "this stuff
doesn't work for me", but I do get a few here and
But the long and the short of it is that since you
get to hear a lot of success stories, it SEEMS like
this stuff is really easy for most guys.
But I'll tell you, we all have our challenges. We
all have areas that are harder to improve than others,
and we all want more success... no matter what level
Each of us starts out where we start out, and each
of us is on our own path to success. No one can do
this for you, and I can't tell you how long it's going
to take you to have the kind of success that you want
I will tell you this, though. If you have major self
esteem and self image issues, it's probably going
to take longer than if you don't.
But as far as I'm concerned, the only thing that
matters is YOU getting what YOU want in YOUR life.
It doesn't matter if it takes a week or a year or
a decade. If you need to accomplish this for yourself,
then do what it takes. No one is going to do it for
you... that's for sure.
And there's no feeling like achieving success in
some area of your life that's important to you.
You mentioned that during your first 6 months you
got tons of numbers, learned how to flirt with women,
etc. How great does that feel?!
You also mentioned how learning about the "inner game"
from my CD Program helped you at a much deeper level
than just learning "techniques" ever did.
This is SUCH an important point.
Most guys ask me for quick fixes.
When they have a problem, they write to me for a line
or a technique to solve their problem.
The PROBLEM with that is once you get INTO a problem
situation, it's DIFFICULT to "fix". The best policy
is to AVOID getting yourself into the situation in
the first place!
But how do you do that?
Of course... you have to BECOME the guy that does
the right things. And part of this BECOMING is learning
all those things that together for the "inner game".
Things like your beliefs about yourself and women,
your understanding of dating and attraction, your
subtle communication skills... and all the rest.
When you learn this stuff, then all the TECHNIQUES
start to work DRAMATICALLY better. In fact, you start
to NOT NEED THEM AS MUCH anymore. Since you understand
what's HAPPENING at each stage, you don't have to
rely as much on techniques... you can just lead the
way and do the right thing whenever you need to.
I could say this 1,000 times, and tomorrow some guy
is going to write me and say "I have this girl that
I've been in love with for 10 years but she thinks
I'm the UBER-WUSSY. What can I say to her to make
her fall instantly in love with me?"
FOCUS ON THE INNER GAME.
Finally, you asked me how long it's taken ME to master
this stuff, and a few other questions about my personal
The direct answer is that it took me about three years
from when I first decided to "get this handled" until
the moment when I realized "Ohmygod, I don't feel
insecure about women anymore. I can go out anytime
I want and meet women. I don't ever have to worry
about being alone again."
Why so long?
Well, to begin with, I didn't have good materials
to get me started.
I went out and looked around on the internet, read
a bunch of books, went to seminars, listened to tapes...
the whole deal.
The thing that really did it for me, and you've heard
me say this over and over, is when I started spending
time with guys who were NATURALLY good with women.
In other words, they had figured out what works with
women on their own (or from other guys), without any
influence from books or tapes or seminars.
By watching and spending time with them, I discovered
all kinds of amazing things. And by taking what I
learned and experimenting, combining, and innovating
I figured out and developed some WILD stuff.
But you know what?
I still learn things every day about this topic.
I'll be watching a couple interact at the local
Starbucks, and I'll realize something that's been
right in front of my the whole time... but I just
didn't see it.
The great thing about this whole subject of women
and dating is that you can really enjoy the process
of developing your own success.
I will tell you one thing. If I would have had my
own book and Advanced Series when I started, it would
have taken me a FRACTION of the time, guaranteed.
...and with that, I have to recommend that if you're
reading this right now, and you haven't gotten your
own copies of these, then you need to do it.
There is no better way to learn how to be more successful
with women and dating. I've spent a lot of time putting
these materials together, and organizing them in a
such a way that you can start using what you learn
IMMEDIATELY. You will see INSTANT improvement with
women... and I absolutely guarantee that you'll be
thrilled with the value you receive, or you can just
ask for a full refund. Really.
Go check out some free samples of my Advanced Series
The downloadable eBook is here:
I'll talk to you again soon!
P.S. If you'd like to send me a Success Story,
Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines:
Back To E-Letters
Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs
Tell me what's working for you before you ask
your question. I appreciate all of the "Your
stuff is great" and "I don't need to tell you how
well your stuff works" comments, but the fact is
that I DO need to hear all of the specifics...
because this helps other guys to see what's
working in different situations.
If you have a Success Story, write "Success
Story" in the subject line of the email. I read
At the end of the email, give me your initials
and tell me where you're from.
Send it to me at: